don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's like iHOP with fire
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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