we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
NoShamevember. You game?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
