Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
