While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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