I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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