I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
