u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
