Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't deserve a penis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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