If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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