I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
