He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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