I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
