DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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