It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
