I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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