I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
