dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
