hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
