Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
