So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
