You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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