too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
