Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
