oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
