I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
