you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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