every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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