I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
