"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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