Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
