im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Randomize
