shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize