Sacagawea was the original milf.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
