New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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