I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
