with your own penis?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
