i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
