i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
