She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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