Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
