I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
