I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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