so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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