So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Say something about gay babies.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
