Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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