I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
