Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
