I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
