i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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