Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
