Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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