i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
