He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
