office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
