i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
