kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize